A Baffling, Unseen War.

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I think I may have written about this last year or the year before, but it's that time of year, and I'm gonna write about the War on Christmas, which has seriously got to be the stupidest goddamn thing I've ever heard of.

For those of you who don't watch the news on TV or who are otherwise blissfully unaware of this phenomenon, let me fill you in. Recently it became popular for businesses and in particular large businesses to say "Happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" when greeting customers. Those of you who find this an offensive affront to your very core religious beliefs, I'm not entirely sure how you got to my blog or why you're reading it. Everyone else: I'm sure you can understand why it baffles me that anyone would be at all offended by that, much less so offended that they'd show up on TV decrying what a terrible thing it was to be wished a happy holiday rather than their specific holiday. Well, Christians, welcome to my fucking world.

See there's folks out there. We're called Jews. We have a minor holiday around this time, too, but pretty much no store owner would be able to call (without some racial profiling — ba-zing!) whether to say "Happy Channukah" or "Merry Christmas". The secret—don't tell anyone!—is that I don't think most of us give a shit which one we get, we're mostly just happy we're not invisible during the winter holidays. I've never been so uptight that I'd be pissed off when someone wished me a merry Christmas; after all it's just their holiday and they're excited about it. I get that, and that's okay, 'cause it's the thought that counts after all. Also, remember, there's tons of other people in the world besides jews: there's atheists, agnostics, hindu, buddhists, shintoists, and probably thousands more in the US alone. It's just not possible to call, and it does seem rude for someone to arrogantly assume that everyone in their presence is the same religion as them, so saying "Happy holidays" to keep your business politically correct and secular just in case there is someone out there who does get offended by such things seems like a good strategy.

The far right love to act like a persecuted minority, but really there's no war here. Nothing's under attack. Nobody's trying to squelch anyone's religious freedoms. It really is as innocent as an effort to recognize the existence of people—even in the US—who are not christian and may not celebrate Christmas. I don't understand what the big deal is, or why people need to get up in arms about this. I guess maybe conservatives and liberals aren't that different: we both get stressed out during the holidays. Happy Channukah/Festivus/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Winter solstice/etc. space cadets!